To my best friend who always has a boyfriend

I will truly never understand why one of my friends manages to ALWAYS have a boyfriend. I mean she literally takes like 3 weeks off and is single and then magically falls in love and is in a relationship all over again! She’s not even an only child who needs attention or anything… she’s just a regular girl.

I take back the “regular girl” part because she ain’t regular she’s a weirdo. One day I will let her read my blog and she won’t be mad because everything I am about to say about her has already been said to her before 🙂

Let’s name her – Alice

Alice is a total weirdo. She is so loud that when she tries to whisper it comes off as ear piercing scream! She tries so hard to talk quietly, but it is such a fail I really do feel bad for people around her. I have gotten use to it and just try to casually remind her “HEY YOU ARE SCREAMING AND I AM RIGHT NEXT TO YOU” and then she takes it from a volume of 10 to maybe a high 7. She also does this thing where she reads people’s lips when they are talking. She isn’t deaf so I will never understand why she does that. Normal people look at each other like in the eyes when talking but as I am looking at her she is looking at my lips… super awkward I know. A few other characteristics she holds is when drinking alcohol she turns into the girl from the ring and it’s really scary cause she manages to still kinda function with her eyes closed and hair all in her face. People in college got use to it and just would let it happen and hope for the best. She also has this thing called a pillow pet named Steve and like I have told Alice multiple times… “don’t you think you are a little old for that?” And she doesn’t think 24 is old sooo I just let her do her thing. She actually is a working girl too (not sure how she landed a job) where she makes good money and uses her “I can talk your ear off” to trap people into needing her business. She sits at a desk that apparently has some “fluorescent” light above her so like any other normal person she decides to wear a visor everyday while doing her job to block out the light. Yeah totally “NORMAL.” Soo after talking to or being around my best friend Alice I question my morals and how I am doing life….

She has had 3 1/2 boyfriends and they were serious long lasting in love boyfriends throughout her life. I’ll explain the 1/2 part in a minute. The first one was her “first” which okay ladies we all know about that kind of “first” and I ain’t talking about first friend. So she talks about him like he is a great guy and that they’re still friends and that he was weird like she was…. psh girl he swiped your V card you won’t ever forget him. I met him a few times, kinda weird, kinda normal, but too basic. The second one I kinda of went through the relationship with her because he visited a lot and I was one of Alices roommates. He was hot like legit HOT and don’t get me wrong she’s smoking too, but looking at him I wouldn’t think he would go for a weirdo like her! But seriously fuck him because he cheated so now I think of him as nothing like a rock is more valuable then him. And so now I will discuss the 1/2.

We are going to name the 1/2 – Chris. So me being me I was in my sophomore year and slept around a bit (I’m not a whore I was just horny). One night I met this guy named Chris. Chris was eh just eh like I was drinking enough vodka that night to magically make Chris look like a 10 in the looks area. So the rest of the night was TOTAL BLACK out. Next day I wake up and no ones next to me, but there sure was a T-shirt I’ve never seen before and I was sore in the “downtown” area. Yeah looks like I banged Chris. Nothing changed life went on. The next day a friend of mine said she needed to tell me something. I was like alright girl what?? She told me she was out last night and ran into some guy that was asking if she knew a girl named Too Independent and lived down the street? She was like oh yeah I do and asked him why? There was no words that came out of his mouth, just one movement….


Yep so that was Chris… back to the 1/2 story. Two years go by and Alice is going through one of her (this never happens) single stages. She is at the bar and meets this guy and then the next day tells me all about this cute guy who asked for her number and so forth. I said what’s his name?? Her response was Chris. So this name is so typical that I just continued to listen to what she had to say about him. Well she then takes her phone out and shows me a picture….

I peed my pants a little. Yep it was the same RUG BURN CHRIS from sophomore year. I obviously told her right away because she’s my girl and I love her. Our school was kinda small so honestly this was kinda common becoming “sisters” with one of your friends cause you slept with the same guy. But so long story short she started dating him… he was so weird like actually a fucking freak. She tried to convince herself she liked him when I knew all along she just wanted a boyfriend cause she wasn’t use to or made to be single. 2 months went by and I had to drive her to go break up with him. She is the ugliest crier like legit so ugly I feel so bad I couldn’t even comfort her because I was laughing taking pictures of her. So I call him 1/2 because it wasn’t even a real relationship it was stupid and doesn’t count.

And so now she’s in this long relationship I think they’re going on a year 1/2 and I love him. But still question why she has a boyfriend and I don’t.

She truly is an inspiration though. She teaches me that it’s okay to be yourself and be weird because you will find that one who accepts you. She teaches me to just be confident no matter what. Alice is ONE of a kind and I hope she never changes because she gives me laughter in my life and maybe she will end up teaching me a thing or two about love.

Alice if you are reading this….NEVER CHANGE.


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